I’ll have my leaves.

I was just lookin’ out my apartment door at leaves falling and blowing onto my patio, and it got me to thinkin’… Why don’t people want leaves in their yards? They pay good money to prevent leaves from blowing into their yards… or for leaf removal. Sticks and twigs too. That one I can understand a little bit more. But only because you don’t want sticks in your pile of leaves before you jump in it; that’s dangerous. But under any and every other circumstance, the sticks should stay… for added crunch or whatever.

I want to have a yard *just so* I can have autumn leaves fall into it. Yeah. I’ll have lots of trees that will change color and drop their leaves.. right. into. my yard. And I’ll only ever rake them for the sake of making big piles for dashing and leaping through, causing them to be scattered all about the yard again. To this I’ll react with a grin and a single satisfied nod of my head and brushing off of my hands. I’ll lie in my leaves and read books in my leaves and drink tea in my leaves and when inside my cozy little house, I’ll gaze out at my leaves. And when my leaves blow into the neighbors’ yards on windy days, I will march out there in my brown boots and my big sweater and possibly a scarf or hat, depending on the day, and I will claim back my leaves with my mighty rake. It’ll probably be old and red with exhausted prongs juttin’ about all willy nilly and a weathered wooden handle. I’ll rake my leaves back into my yard in a huff, probably as neighbors watch out the window with furrowed brows and disapproving shakes of their heads, upset by my ridiculous amounts of leaves littering their precious browning grass. As I rake my leaves with ferocity back to where they belong, I’ll purse my lips and scrunch up my face at those neighbors. Those jerks. Gettin’ my leaves in their yard…

the.trapeze.swinger/upward.over.the.mountain

i miss

my friend.

 

[...up until someone caught us in the kitchen with maps, a mountain range,
a piggy bank... A vision too removed to mention. //So may the sunrise bring hope where it once was forgotten]

lost happies

I’m havin’ one of those days where I start out with a whole pile of happies but then as the day progresses more and more of ‘em slip away and by early evening I’m left doubled over grabbin’ blindly and pathetically for some of the last few but never quick enough to snatch any still within my reach.

["..No!..... come back..........!" *whimper*]

Just wondering

If I write this,
will you read it..?

c/o-s.nph

crooked over-sized newspaper hat falling over my eyes keeps my shy gaze fixed on the ground at my feet and i blush with the realization of my social awkwardness as i stand petrified and crowds of hurried chattering people brush my shoulders and almost knock me over without saying sorry because they don’t really know i’m there

She said,

“I don’t know if I’ve ever been good enough; I’m a little bit rusty, and I think my head is caving in.
And I don’t know if I’ve ever been really loved by a hand that’s touched me.
I feel like something gonna give, and I’m a little bit angry.

And I don’t know why you couldn’t just stay with me… you couldn’t stand to be near me when
my face don’t seem to want to shine ’cause
it’s a little bit dirty.

[Don't just stand there, say nice things to me, 'cause I've been cheated; I've been wronged.]“

(Matchbox 20 – Push)

Be my friend…

Help, I have done it again.
I have been here many times before.
Hurt myself again today,
and the worst part is there’s no one else to blame.

Be my friend…
Hold me.
Wrap me up…
Unfold me.
I am small…
I’m needy.
Warm me up,
and breathe me.

Ouch; I have lost myself again.
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found.
Yeah I think that I might break.
I’ve lost myself again and I feel unsafe.

Be my friend…
Hold me.
Wrap me up…
Unfold me.
I am small…
I’m needy.
Warm me up,
and breathe me.

[Breathe Me - Sia]

Composer, you’ve made a mistake

Breezes and traffic noise and wind chimes trickle their way into my studio through the slightly opened glass door. A Piano prances in as well, her keys jumping and bouncing about happily. Or maybe she’s easing in through the wall… or the ceiling, coming from the floor above. It’s hard to tell. The breeze, the traffic, the chimes, the piano… they’re all quiet… all distant… and yet letting themselves in here like overconfident, unexpected guests that I’m not sure whether I want or not. I might be in an old movie, and this is the soundtrack. In which case, the piano’s song is not a recording to be played through speakers, but a cheerful form of entertainment, personally summoned by the fingers of a man in a nearby apartment, probably wearing a bow tie.

But the music doesn’t fit this scene. For being a room with an open door at the onset of spring, the air in this place is rather stale… still. It’s dark and candles are lit, but their usually calming scents linger just over their wicks, held captive with no hope of enveloping anyone who might been soothed by them. Yes, I believe I’ve decided. These over-enthusiastic guests are indeed unwelcome here.

Dud

There are about 237 things I could write about.

And there are about 1348576 things I want to say.

But not right now.

fa;owinvw;odvin

I fell asleep at about 4:45pm yesterday and woke up at about 12:45 this morning, giving me 8 awkwardly placed hours of unrestful, uncomfortable, didn’t-even-bother-to-take-off-my-jacket, many times interrupted sleep on the couch. I’ve spent the past four hours doing large amounts of absolutely nothing except wanting to fall back asleep and not being able to. My hand itches like crazy, and I don’t know why. Probably it is going to fall off. I played Flight Control on my iPod, but it kept ti*king me off so I stopped and switched to Fruit Ninja. After a couple of tries, I maxed out the amount of points I’m allowed to get on the lite version, so I put my iPod back away. I’m not sure if that made me feel satisfied or more upset. Guess I’m gonna watch Pinocchio now. I finished the last of my coffee ice cream, which frustrates me. Lately I’m into not swearing in my writing and placing asterisks in weird places and it makes me smile, but not out loud… just inside a little bit. Actually, it’s not even a real internal smile… it’s less than that… more of a my-internals-having-an-internal-smile kind of thing. …. I just thought about that for a few seconds and then I started to get a horrible, sinking Inception type feeling, so I stopped. Also, I really feel like playing catch with someone, but even if I had someone to play catch with, I wouldn’t have the energy right now…and they wouldn’t even be awake. I would like to play catch with someone when I’m not sick…and when they’re awake. Not with a football or a baseball though. Probably with a vase picked off a shelf or a balled up pair of [clean] socks snatched from the end of a bed or one of those pink erasers swiped from a desk drawer part way open. My childhood best friend and I used to play catch and keep-away all the time. He and I even made up odd catching games and named them after ourselves. I remember once at his house, we had the most genuinely happy, awesome, laughter-filled time of trying to keep a penny away from each other. I want a friend like that again. But these days a girl can’t play a simple game of catch with a guy without winding up heartbreaker or heartspiton within a day/month/year or two. On a night/morning/day/whatever-the-he*k-this-is like this, I find that there is no place I would rather be than in the part of Epcot that’s made to be like Mexico. Alone. Movie’s starting…