Be my friend…

Help, I have done it again.
I have been here many times before.
Hurt myself again today,
and the worst part is there’s no one else to blame.

Be my friend…
Hold me.
Wrap me up…
Unfold me.
I am small…
I’m needy.
Warm me up,
and breathe me.

Ouch; I have lost myself again.
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found.
Yeah I think that I might break.
I’ve lost myself again and I feel unsafe.

Be my friend…
Hold me.
Wrap me up…
Unfold me.
I am small…
I’m needy.
Warm me up,
and breathe me.

[Breathe Me - Sia]

Composer, you’ve made a mistake

Breezes and traffic noise and wind chimes trickle their way into my studio through the slightly opened glass door. A Piano prances in as well, her keys jumping and bouncing about happily. Or maybe she’s easing in through the wall… or the ceiling, coming from the floor above. It’s hard to tell. The breeze, the traffic, the chimes, the piano… they’re all quiet… all distant… and yet letting themselves in here like overconfident, unexpected guests that I’m not sure whether I want or not. I might be in an old movie, and this is the soundtrack. In which case, the piano’s song is not a recording to be played through speakers, but a cheerful form of entertainment, personally summoned by the fingers of a man in a nearby apartment, probably wearing a bow tie.

But the music doesn’t fit this scene. For being a room with an open door at the onset of spring, the air in this place is rather stale… still. It’s dark and candles are lit, but their usually calming scents linger just over their wicks, held captive with no hope of enveloping anyone who might been soothed by them. Yes, I believe I’ve decided. These over-enthusiastic guests are indeed unwelcome here.

Dud

There are about 237 things I could write about.

And there are about 1348576 things I want to say.

But not right now.

fa;owinvw;odvin

I fell asleep at about 4:45pm yesterday and woke up at about 12:45 this morning, giving me 8 awkwardly placed hours of unrestful, uncomfortable, didn’t-even-bother-to-take-off-my-jacket, many times interrupted sleep on the couch. I’ve spent the past four hours doing large amounts of absolutely nothing except wanting to fall back asleep and not being able to. My hand itches like crazy, and I don’t know why. Probably it is going to fall off. I played Flight Control on my iPod, but it kept ti*king me off so I stopped and switched to Fruit Ninja. After a couple of tries, I maxed out the amount of points I’m allowed to get on the lite version, so I put my iPod back away. I’m not sure if that made me feel satisfied or more upset. Guess I’m gonna watch Pinocchio now. I finished the last of my coffee ice cream, which frustrates me. Lately I’m into not swearing in my writing and placing asterisks in weird places and it makes me smile, but not out loud… just inside a little bit. Actually, it’s not even a real internal smile… it’s less than that… more of a my-internals-having-an-internal-smile kind of thing. …. I just thought about that for a few seconds and then I started to get a horrible, sinking Inception type feeling, so I stopped. Also, I really feel like playing catch with someone, but even if I had someone to play catch with, I wouldn’t have the energy right now…and they wouldn’t even be awake. I would like to play catch with someone when I’m not sick…and when they’re awake. Not with a football or a baseball though. Probably with a vase picked off a shelf or a balled up pair of [clean] socks snatched from the end of a bed or one of those pink erasers swiped from a desk drawer part way open. My childhood best friend and I used to play catch and keep-away all the time. He and I even made up odd catching games and named them after ourselves. I remember once at his house, we had the most genuinely happy, awesome, laughter-filled time of trying to keep a penny away from each other. I want a friend like that again. But these days a girl can’t play a simple game of catch with a guy without winding up heartbreaker or heartspiton within a day/month/year or two. On a night/morning/day/whatever-the-he*k-this-is like this, I find that there is no place I would rather be than in the part of Epcot that’s made to be like Mexico. Alone. Movie’s starting…

like tossing fountain pens into empty coin jars

i’ve been building my watchtowers and
draining these fountain pens and
letting my coffee go cold trying to reach you while
you’ve been building your ships and yet
draining the seas and
letting your bones grow old and I
can’t build strong enough or write fast enough to make you know you’re killing it.

you’re wasting us all.

Bayatilar vs. Stereo Love [sexy accordion]

Ohhhhhkay… moved my car for the snow removal emergency and heard Stereo Love start just as I got out of the car. Ran down the road and up the hill and into my apartment (lungs still hurt) and got ready for bed. Couldn’t help but go online to listen to the song… I’ve only heard it once or twice before (I’ve been missing out since 2009 apparently). Actually, I didn’t even know what it was called… I had to find the station’s website and get to the recently played song list. (Yeah, I really wanted to hear it.) Soooo I did. And it made me very happy. (At first I accidentally found Studio love. NOT to be confused with Stereo Love. That one didn’t make me happy. There is NO sexy accordion in that song.) Yeah, apparently accordions can be really sexy. I know…! I didn’t know that either!!!!!!

And NOW I should be sleeping, but instead I’m gawking at the differences/similarities between Eldar Mansurov’s composition of Bayatilar and Edward Maya’s, Stereo Love. WHAAAAT THE HECK!!! It turns out Maya was fascinated by the accordion version of Bayatilar that he heard and meant to get permission to use it, but didn’t since he was busy. (Uhhhhh. Tool?) Eventually, he flew out to Azerbaijan and the papers were signed to make them co-authors of Stereo Love, and blahblahblah. [All according to Wikipedia. Obviously.]

The SERIOUSLY important point that this all comes to, is that any man with an accordion who wants to steal my heart………. YOU know….

Edward Maya & Vika Jigulina – Stereo Love (The video is nothing too impressive).

Aaaaaaand Eldar Mansurov’s Bayatilar (The singer is Brilliant Dadashova)

YEAH. Woah… right?

Wins

Hanging a brand new, old-style world map ALL by myself. (Not a simple feat.)

Finally hanging other various decorations that have been sitting around for forever.

Having a reason to use my tools.

Clearing clutter. A lot of clutter that has been around since I moved into my studio.

Rearranging.

Being caught up with dishes. (How does one girl make so many so often?)

Iron & Wine. Obviously.

50 “bonus inches” of scotch tape on the roll that I recently bought. (Thank goodness, I might need that.)

Being happy with how nearly effortlessly I was able to get my makeup how I wanted it to look this morning.

Not feeling any less confident upon realizing it wore off after only a couple of hours.

Coffee date with a friend, and realizing that I would like to be in touch with her more often. And will.

An exceptionally great Skype video call with a good friend.

Short, spontaneous, “I-was-in-the-area” visit with yet another close friend.

Recognizing that God must really love me to put such quality people in my life.

Bananas in my chocolate ice cream, because I’m trying to be more healthy…. or something.

Catching up on reading.

Quality, rewarding, calming, uninterrupted, moving, quiet time with my King.

Plans falling through and being okay with it [for once]. (Could it be that I am becoming more flexible?!)

Excitement, preparations and prayers for the first day of opening up my studio to create community with girls on Saturday.

Piping hot Sleepytime Tea laced with honey… for relaxation and the soothing of an uncomfortable throat.

One word: yoga.

Donny BobbyMcFerrin the Rightful IV swimmin’ around, lookin’ exceptionally pretty for me today. What a flirt.

Feelin’ pretty in a [new, favorite, $8] loose-fitting v-neck tee and men’s sweatpants.

Thinkin’ of yet another quality friend when I see Purdue written on my pant leg.

Coming across some bubbles and blowing a few for my own childish amusement.

Being happily and joyfully single for nearly 6 months.

Recognizing the work that God has done and the growth that has taken place during time.

Despicable Me. I haven’t watched it today. But I wanted to mention it anyway.

Flora’s Secret.

Yes.